fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize