i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
