So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
