She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
