You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
