You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
