I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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