I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
