Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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