trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
