Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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