Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
