mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
