For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize