Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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