Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
