Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
