somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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