girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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