Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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