After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
