it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
