Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
