he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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