Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize