so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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