My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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