I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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