I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
