there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
