I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
