Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
