Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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