8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
