WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
sex in a hospital.. check
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
