We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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