Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
