I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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