Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
