you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
