i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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