her vagine was all disorganized.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
