Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
