I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
