Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I look better un-naked...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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