Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
