I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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