I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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