I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
