Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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