Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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