I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
