Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
