Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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