The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
