she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is Oprah even human
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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