I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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