dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
