when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
