He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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