he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
