You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
