Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
