My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
