I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
