My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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