I'm so fucking centered right now
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
