jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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