i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
