but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Vodka?
Forever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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