Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
