I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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