Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
