There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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