Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
