A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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