On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
4 words: hood of his car
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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