first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
