I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
