let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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