i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
