then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
