Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
