I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
