false alarm. still invincible.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
