Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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