On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
