he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have fence marks all over my body
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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