it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
