The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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