he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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