she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
