Betty ford says i'm here all night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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