We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he fucked my hip out of place.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
